Cool as iDogg

My friend Ivan (aka “iDogg”) visited recently and kept going on and on about this Vanilla Ice movie from the early 90’s called “Cool as Ice.” Apparently he had recently been to a screening of this classic at a local movie theater. He was excited to see it again, because it was not available on DVD (big surprise). Ivan suggested that I do what I can to see this movie. Luckily, when browsing titles available on Netflix streaming this weekend, I stumbled on “Cool as Ice” being a newly available movie. Of course, I had to watch it, and it is every bit as awesomely bad as Ivan had described. If you saw my tweets from Friday night, you could tell how great of a time I was having!

After Ivan’s visit, he sent me the below email in an effort to more fully describe the movie to me and to again encourage me to check it out. This email is unedited, and for those of you who know Ivan, you will probably find this very enjoyable.

here’s a link to a music video from one of the songs in the movie (“cool as ice”)… amazingly, every image you see in the video was also in the movie.

some of my favorite highlights/lowlights:

1) IMDB lists the movie as a 91-minute movie.  the movie literally has a 5-minute music video at the beginning, and then a different 5-minute music video at the end.  it’s really an 80-minute movie.  the dance choreography during the music videos is not only dated (lots of running man) but there are also moments that would be laughable/horrifying if you even saw the movie in 1991… the most horrifying part being that vanilla ice and another dancer do a series of flips while holding each other in a 69-orientation.

2) a main theme of the movie is that vanilla ice can do anything with his motorcycle.  in the opening minutes, he somehow jumps his bike over a fence to ride his bike next to a girl on a horse.  this scene is edited so poorly, it’s shockingly hilarious.  he also jumps his car through the wall of a partially completed house, and over a corvette.

3) one of the best unintentionally funny scenes in the movie is when vanilla ice and his love interest decide to hang out in a partially constructed house and then playfully run in and under wood beams of the frame of the house. (1:48 of the link above shows 1 second of this 3-minute montage scene).

4) 2:12 of the link above shows highlights of a scene where local teens hang out at. i have no idea who wrote this movie, perhaps someone who was 60-years old in 1991 and had no idea what young people in america were even like in 1991. this scene made no sense even if you were in 1991. apparently, whoever wrote this movie believed that everyone dressed like “revenge of the nerds” and had no style whatsoever and all wear button down items and thick glasses… but vanilla ice and his gang wear bright absurd clothing and that is what is “cool”

5) creepiest scene in the movie (but not in the music video) – love interest goes to bed. it’s morning, and someone slips a piece of ice into her mouth… and then they pan to vanilla ice who is laying next to her in her bed… despite the fact that she has never invited him into her house before. she wasn’t even surprised by this!

6) best quotes:  “drop that zero and get with a hero”; “let’s gee oh” (instead of “let’s go”, he spells out “go”).

7) overall, the movie was even more unintentionally funny than i imagined, because there are so many things that made absolutely no sense and are never even explained.  vanilla ice says to love interest:  “so, do you like having parents and stuff?”  and there’s really no follow-up to this.  vanilla ice is basically a cross between a fighter, Hasselhofffrom knight rider, and a detective who solves crimes.

Thank you Ivan for turning me on to such an amazing movie. If you are interested in more of what Ivan has to say, you can follow him on twitter.

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